Sometimes what I need most happens to appear right in front of me. “Happens” because I cannot logically explain it and I do not know who, or what, is responsible for this phenomenon. But I know others who experience it too. The topic that’s just perfect for me at this moment in time, the right people, projects, tasks, maybe even jobs. My attention is drawn to the right signs. Where the signs come from, I don’t know.
Have you ever had a similar experience? It’s never too early or never too late. Now is your time to find out; now is the perfect moment to pay attention. For me within the last few days it has been a topic… of trust.
Without much effort on my side, I have been coming across blog posts, articles or talks that were either about or in some way referring to trust. People were asking me about it, talking about it, introducing their experience.
Ok, I get it now! Now is my time to focus on trust.
According to the dictionary trust can be defined as a “firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something”.
This means that trust is in fact a belief, a thought, a conviction that leads to something much greater – a feeling inside.
If you were to define trust what would you say? If you were to identify the feeling associated with trust or the lack of it… how easy would it be to recall?
Here is what I learnt about trust in just one week
I wanted to share with you 3 different things that happened over the last few days that had a profound impact on my approach to trust – and what’s even more important, the value of it in life (value – is trust one of my values? I’m beginning to see that it is!)
- The “Performance of trust”
Trust—it’s a concept that’s comforting and terrifying at the same time. It takes time.
So imagine now that you’re building a new relationship. Initially we’re unsure of what’s happening and what to expect. The intensity of this early stage is different for everyone. “For many of us that initial tension exists so much of the time, we expend so much energy watching and calculating, trying to predict, reading signals in people, ready for anything to change suddenly. Preparing to be disappointed. So much energy spent. “
What if we never leave this early stage? I most definitely know people who stay there, if not forever, then for a very long time. We tell ourselves that we can prepare for anything but we can’t. In reality our energy is used up for the impossible. It’s exhausting. What if we prepared to be impressed rather than disappointed…? Wouldn’t it be easier?
“We talk about trust as something you build (…) but there is something about letting go (…) to stop thinking, to stop worrying that someone won’t catch us if we fall, to stop constantly scanning for inconsistencies, to stop wondering how other people act when they are not in our presence. It allows us to relax.”
Letting go is when we know we can open the door and let someone or something in. It’s not always about people. Sometimes it’s a new concept, new thought, new understanding, new possibility. Trusting doesn’t mean that we have all the answers. It means that we belief in the way of life and rely that it will all work out just fine.
Who do you trust? How do you trust? What does it mean to you? Is it easy for you to trust? And if you don’t, why? And if you do, why?
- In my eyes the most precious thing of all – self-trust. Someone used in my presence a quite innocent sentence “I don’t trust myself” describing their own habits and ways of operating. To say the least – it surprised me.
Sometimes we are not fully aware of why and how we function but if we tune in to our reactions and responses, we can try to understand ourselves better. It turns out that “I don’t trust myself” is a sentence that’s for me not only one of the most vulnerable sentences I have ever heard but also one that I would never think or say.
If I can’t trust myself how can I trust others? What for? Trust is the foundation of relationships, so it has to be there for me first. So I can get along with me, develop me, grow and achieve more. I know I can rely on myself, my skills and my abilities. It begins inside me. I stand strong before I build a support system of others around me who can help and who I can help. This way it’s fair. I support me first and then I can expect support from others.
- Finally the concept of trust taken further – creating the environment of trust for others. Simon Sinek “Why good leaders make you feel safe” talk on ted.com. – A great leader is someone who is able to create an environment that is based on trust and cooperation. Environment that is safe. Leaders are “people who are willing to sacrifice themselves so that others may gain.”
“When the people feel safe and protected by the leadership in the organization, the natural reaction is to trust and cooperate.” This means that trust requires responsibility and action. Trust is a result of a safe environment in which people work or live. As Simon Sinek says trust is a feeling not an instruction. It’s not something you can tell yourself and others to “do”. This is because trust is linked to our “being” not our “doing”.
And it feels that I am not able to create a safe environment or to contribute to create one, if I don’t have this concept figured out for myself first. The order seems to matter. Me first, my approach to trust, the value of it and the importance. And then the outside World – who and what can be included in my circle of trust and how I can help build safe environment for others. I can let others in, I can be more vulnerable with them, I can take risks if I know that I have me and I will always be ready to support me. No matter what happens. This way others can truly be my support and I can be theirs because I consciously make room for them in my life. With trust letting your guards down is a good thing. It seems that trust is an enabler for vulnerability. I will feel safe in the presence of others because I feel safe within me. It’s knowing that I don’t have to prepare to be disappointed. I can prepare to be impressed and let it happen.
“Trust is your relationship to the unknown when you can’t control. And you can’t control everything. And it’s not all or none. It’s a slow and steady practice of learning (…) and it’s worth it to keep trying and it’s not easy.”
Happify Daily – Here’s Why You Need to Take a Chance on Trust
Simon Sinek – Why good leaders make you feel safe
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