“Some people don’t know how to say no. The only way they know how to say no is to be ill or have accidents. Know that it is okay to say no to those things you don’t feel right about. Trust yourself.”
What I respect about Louise Hay is the ease with which she expresses her thoughts. I like the simplicity of her words that ultimately get to the very core of the matter. I’ve always liked it about her. Maybe that’s why after reading many of her words I often say “Exactly!” because she is able to say things so clearly.
This post is another example. It’s another description of us. Most of us. I dare to generalise because this post gathered more comments and responses from her fans on Facebook than many other of her posts. There was a common thread… people pleasing… “I do it because I’ve always been a people pleaser.” Assuming that we know what others expect from us and disregarding what we expect from ourselves, we say yes more often than we really want, to avoid a sense of “guilt”, a risk of rejection, criticism, judgement.
All often self-imposed but we blame it on others.
Examine what you believe
We are restless in trying to meet expectations. We cannot even tell at times if they are real or not. The pressure we feel is real, therefore we push further.
It’s a brave thing to stop, pause and take a good look around. For some of us, it is easy enough to do – self-reflection and self-awareness. But many of us haven’t done it in years (or ever), simply afraid of what we might discover. We just keep going. Everyone else does, right?
And we could spend another decade finding excuses and even reassurance from others that trying to please everyone around is inevitable, or we can do something about it. If what we’re feeling, thinking and believing is not serving us, it’s our own responsibility to change.
How easy is it then, to start saying “No”?
The other side of saying “No”
On the other side of never saying “No” to others is never saying “Yes” to yourself.
What is saying “Yes” to yourself all about? It’s about valuing yourself enough to trust own judgement. Knowing your own limits and where your energy is best spent. It’s not about being a victim or at mercy of others. It’s about brave and honest living. It’s having priorities and self-respect. It’s knowing oneself and choosing the option that best serves us.
This Summer ask yourself:
Why do I deserve to say “yes” to myself? Specifically what am I going to say ”Yes” to?
No drama, no accidents, no illness, just a mature decision to take a well-deserved break. Sometimes a break from “I should…”, “I’m supposed to…”, “I have to…”, “Others expect me to…”.
Break on all levels – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Switching off in some areas of life, to be able to switch on in others. And no, you won’t be redundant. And yes, you will still be needed. Take a break with a purpose of regaining strength and clarity of thinking. Maybe just because “You’re worth it!”. Understand exactly what a break means to you and experience it with your full self this Summer. Have clarity on why it’s good for you. Make it your business to engage all levels of energy to get all the benefits. Take a break mindfully. Understand why and show up ready to make the most of every second.
So what will it be? A trip abroad, a relaxing weekend, maybe a new boundary in a relationship to ensure your emotional well-being, breaking an old habit and making space for a new one, a break from a negative thought pattern, a real, full break in your workday to truly relax or maybe even giving yourself permission to consider a new career, a new course, a fresh start?
Spend time with yourself. Understand your own needs and take time to think. What kind of break works best for you? What kind of break have you been (maybe secretly) dreaming of? What kind of break do you know you need the most right now?
Say “Yes”! Forget pleasing others and meet your own expectations.
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